For the longest time I never understand the magic or appeal of the Golden Rule. I remember people explaining it with me, they acted as if it was a miracle concept. I couldn’t comprehend why this was news to them. I had been doing this to people all of my life. I had no difficulty applying to Golden rule to others; it was as natural as breathing. The problem was that I was broken inside. It’s impossible to determine which negative thing in my life was the final catalyst for brokenness, but the results were the same: I was unable to treat myself with the grace and dignity that I treated others. This article is for you, whether your brokenness is caused by: a divorce, a violent relationship, a car accident, financial debt, loneliness, medical conditions, or the end of a friendship. I’ve grown and changed enough now that I can’t remember or identify the exact shift point. The point, at which I was sick and tired of being miserable and hating myself, remains unclear. However, I do recall the bewildered moment when it hit me: my task was different than the typical person’s. I suspect that most broken or hurt people need to apply the Golden rule in a similar manner as I did: We need to treat ourselves the way we treat other people. Because there was a substantial disconnect between how I treated to myself versus how I treated other people. I was typically kind, generous, gracious, and loving towards everyone else I interacted with. However, the way I thought, spoke, and acted towards myself was the extreme opposite.
Once I began to entertain the thoughts of treating myself how I treated other people a substantial shift occurred in my life. At which point, I was able to gain enough distance from my self-hatred and allow the healing to being. Below I would like to outline for you crucial steps to accomplish healing.
- Make the Decision: Henry Ford is quoted as saying, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t…you are correct”. My experience in life is that once I have made the decision, I am willing to make it happen. However, just entertaining the thoughts of changing hold no commitment.
- Self-hypnosis: Can you imagine the outcome if you were to engage in self-hypnosis at least 15 minutes every day? The way to maximize this would be for her to use hypnosis to affirm the idea and concept that you have already healed yourself.
- Forgive often: Remember the definition of forgiveness that I prefer. The definition that works for me is: Giving up the hope of a different or better yesterday. The best part of that definition is it takes the people, places, personalities, and events out of the equation. My recommendation is to forgive easily and often. It’s definitely a game changer.
- Visualize: The language of the subconscious mind is imagination. The second most powerful way to change your subconscious mind programming is to visualize your goals have already occurred. When I was struggling through the healing process I spent time every night visualizing myself healthy and happy.
- Do anonymous things: Every day do at least one kind and graceful thing for someone else. I was taught many years ago to do something kind anonymously for someone else. I was also taught that if I got caught, it didn’t count. You can make this as fun and exciting as you desire. It’s a wonderful way to get outside of your own head and your own perception of the issue.
- Choose laughter: I was taught many years ago that doing something that you perceive as fun automatically lowers the resistance to it. Do something to make and hear yourself laugh. Whether it’s: watch a comedy, Google baby laughing video’s, playing with pets, you tube screaming goats. Whatever else you do make laughing your priority.
- Drop the comparison: Comparing yourself to any other human is not an adequate or fair comparison. Frankly, I think you deserve better. You are exactly where you are supposed to be in that moment in time. You can not even adequately compare your insides to your perception of someone else’s outsides, so stop now.
- Detox your life: Remove those negative people from your life. Stop filling your vision full of negative television shows, magazines, and radio broadcasts. Make a decision to detox your mind, body, spirit and soul. The future you thank you for it immensely.
- Practice Gratitude: Gratitude is one of the strongest emotions out there. I typically encourage people to make a list of things that they are grateful for. I had been making a gratitude list since the early 90’s. When I changed the format that I wrote my gratitude, the response I received changed massively. The format I recommend people to use when making a gratitude list is: I am grateful for_________ because_______. I typically recommend that people make a gratitude list in writing.
Jenn Bovee, LCSW, is spiritual psychotherapist and life coach. Jenn offers in person sessions as well as distance life coaching. Jenn holds a certification in Clinical Hypnosis. Learn more about her here: www.JennBoveeLCSW.com