6-Steps to Healing Your Mom Wounds
If you find yourself feeling lost, unloved, unlovable, unheard, unseen, unable to make the money you want, it’s not you.
You are not the problem.
These are things that started with your mom’s relationship with you (or lack thereof).
And there are 6 steps you can take to begin shifting that so you can feel loved and connected to the people around you, so you can make the money you know you can, and so you can finally heal.
But as with everything I write and create for you, this is not a replacement for therapy.
SO! Let’s dig into the recommendations, shall we?
Accept That You Are Not To Blame: As a child, it was your mom who set the tone and nature of your relationship with her. You had no control over your mom’s behaviors or issues. And as a child, your mom was expected to be the responsible one. Whether your mom was emotionally vacant, neglectful or even downright abusive...NONE of that was your fault.
When you are able to see that you are not at fault, you are able to let go of the pain she caused you.
See Your Mother As She Is, Not As You Want Her To be: This can be a super painful concept to embrace. No living human wants to have a mom who is not loving, kind and nurturing. Oftentimes, we find ourselves making excuses and justifications for our mom’s behaviors.
When you learn to accept that your mother is only able to give you as much as she is or has, your healing can start. Which opens up the door for you to have a relationship with her (IF that’s what you desire).
Spend Time Focusing On Yourself: When we work to better ourselves so many times, the people around us are also impacted. It creates a ripple effect. However, even if no one else changes, if you are happier and experience more joy on a regular basis that alone is worth it.
Develop some habits surrounding really good self-care. Spend some time each and every day doing something kind and gentle towards yourself. When we develop the habit of self-care everything in our lives begins to slowly shift.
Implement Soothing Skills: Healing from the damage of relationships with our mothers takes more than just good self-care. It really takes some deep self-soothing. Even if the thing you are healing from is the loss of your mom.
Self-soothing is such a crucial concept that so many people are lacking because they are more focused on than truly healing. Some go-to self-soothing skills include: EFT, hypnosis, meditation, and deep journaling that forces you to dig into the things that you are not thinking about on the surface of your thoughts, but underneath...the things that often hurt the most.
Check Your Boundaries: A huge symptom of dysfunctional families is out of proportional boundaries.
Typically people who were raised in dysfunctional families either have too rigid of boundaries or they have too loose of boundaries.
Learning to say no when you’ve historically said yes is a huge accomplishment. Always check in with yourself to determine what’s okay with you at that moment. It doesn’t matter if in the past you were okay with it. If you are not okay with it at that moment, then please say no.
Giving yourself the power to say no is one of the most empowering activities you can give yourself permission to do.
Monitor Your Feelings And Emotions: So many of us were not taught to monitor our feelings and emotions. The overwhelming consensus with people these days is that they weren’t taught how to address their feelings and emotions in a healthy way by their moms.
So ask yourself what you are feeling and where it shows up in your body. It’s crucial to remember that your feelings are not always accurate, but they are always valid.
When you learn to monitor your feelings, you are giving yourself permission to feel and permission to feel whatever you’re feeling. You are validating your own emotions, becoming aware of how you are impacted by people and events and can learn to read yourself more effectively...as well as learn to advocate for your own needs.
When you become aware of how to heal from your mom wounds, you give yourself a gift that will continue to give back to you and those you love for the rest of your lives.
If you are interested in taking your healing with your mom wounds to the next level, check out the super affordable, powerfully effective ultimate healing toolkit. It’s available here: www.JennBovee.com/mom
“Just want to give you a heads up that I’ve shared my progress on the workbook with my individual therapist and she is recommending that I do EMDR therapy to focus on the trauma that has come up with this project. We agree that it is good that I am finally addressing this, so THANK YOU, but my therapist also recognizes that trauma work isn’t her specialty and has referred me to one of her colleagues.
My goal is to complete 3 questions of the workbook per month, minimum, and start EMDR to address my trauma. I will also be seeing my individual therapist a minimum of 1x/month, in conjunction with EMDR, while I work through the workbook.
THANK YOU for writing this book and helping me shed light on the shame that I have been carrying. I knew it was there but had no idea of the depth of trauma that was inside. I would have never described myself as a “traumatized” person but this workbook has really helped me, and my therapist, identify my mental health needs that I was “skating” over.