Four Easy Tips to Reconnect to the ONE Person in Your Life That You Need MOST
Connection is the foundation for success for all relationships.
But women today are constantly pushing themselves behind everyone else they take care of. The kids need to be fed? I’ll eat later.
The house needs to be picked up, but I’m soooo tired. I’ll rest later.
I have clients that need me. I’ll take care of the laundry later.
My partner had a bad day at work...so did I, but I’ll talk about it later.
Later never comes.
All the pain of unfinished to-do lists weighs as heavy on the soul, as it does on the mind. The next thing we know, you’re breaking down and so burnt out that you can’t even begin to be present for yourself, much less your partner and kids.
When you lose that connection to yourself, you lose the connection to most of the people around you.
So, while careening toward burnout is a huge rush of adrenaline, when you get there, you’re already wrecked and so is your relationship to your partner and kids.
At this point, you begin to question your own ability to function within relationships, entering doubt and fear on top of your stress and ongoing fatigue.
And this has to stop.
This cycle can end with you.
If you allow yourself a few minutes each day, you’ll end the cycle of suffering and the phase of constant deterioration between yourself and your family. And don’t worry, if you happen to be one of those types that enjoys the rush of the adrenaline that heads you toward burn out, you can still manage to get your rush in healthier ways.
For now, let’s reconnect you to yourself, so you can reconnect to those that love you:
Focus On Positive
Begin on focusing on experiencing loving self-thoughts and positive affirming thoughts creates a huge shift for many people. Pay attention to your thoughts. As soon as you find yourself beating you up or engaging in negative thoughts, stop! Change it to the positive opposite.
Try reminding yourself, a few times a day: “I am smart. I am creative. I am thoughtful. I am content. I am ENOUGH.” Especially when you’re not feeling your best.
Engage in Meditation
Engaging in regular meditation creates greater calmness and increased mental clarity and sharpness. Meditation is also a great way to regulate your emotions and feelings, as it helps to physically reshape your brain, as studies show.
A simple way to begin is to just focus on your inhale and exhale as you are breathing. Set a timer and do it for a minimum of 2 mins each day, twice a day and work your way up to about 20mins, if you can. And if you can start with more, start with more!
Get Comfortable In Your Own Skin
This one begins by scheduling regular time alone for yourself.
Spend some time getting comfortable in your own skin, by eliminating distractions such as television, internet, social media, and cell phone. Be mindful of the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs you experience during the time you spend getting comfortable in your own skin. Schedule at least 30mins or more of time without technology. And the next time you catch yourself picking up your phone out of mindless habit, remind yourself that you are more important than Facebook. And give yourself time to focus on you, instead.
Gratitude is one of the most powerful practices I recommend. It helps to balance the onslaught of negativity we’re faced with daily. And reminds us, we have so much to be grateful for...even when it doesn’t feel like it. It also helps to cultivate your sight to find those things when you’re not making your list.
So, everyday, hand-write in a journal five things that you are grateful for. One of the things that I like to recommend is to make at least one of those things something specifically about who you are, a characteristic, a quality, a value, a lesson learned, an improvement you’ve made, etc. Because it’s easy to show gratitude for the things around us...but we often forget to be grateful about ourselves.
This is all well and good, right? But we want to rekindle that connection to your partner, too. Because that support is super important and helps add to the quality of both your lives.
Set A Consistent Date Night
Prioritizing time with your partner allows you the space to reconnect and heal your relationship. If your connection has been damaged for a while, except that it will feel a bit awkward in the beginning and move forward anyway.
When implementing a date night: no talks of money, work, kids or household projects. This is about YOU TWO and finding yourselves as a couple again.
Communicate, Communicate, and Communicate
I can’t count how many times I have worked with women who have told me their partners should “just know” what they want, need, think, or are feeling.
You are very likely not married to a psychic, so they can’t read your mind. Therefore it’s going to be super important for you to find a comfortable way for you to consistently communicate with your partner. Sometimes that might mean handwritten notes. Or mediated conversations. However it works for you, do it. Unless it’s yelling. That doesn’t work. Don’t do it. Stick to calm communication and speaking from your heart.
Engage In Their Love Languages
Often times we naturally communicate to our partners in the way in which we feel loved the most. The difficulty with this is that it’s rarely the same as our partner’s love language, and therefore, often leaves them feeling less than loved.
Find out your partner’s love language and engage in it to help them feel validated, special and loved...the way you want to feel.
Let Them Know You Love Them
Love letters outlining how your partner has supported you is a great way to make them feel appreciated. And send it in the mail, that makes it more powerful.
I also recommend you throw in your way the way seeing them to help make them feel how much you love them. You can also leave voicemails to let them know how much they are appreciated. These small acts make a HUGE difference.
Connection is the foundation for success in all relationships. And I am passionate about keeping the passion for yourself, for your partner (or partners, if you’re in polyamorous relationships like many of my clients), and for those you love alive and burning bright.
If you need help igniting those fires, let’s connect. It’s free. But the impact will be life-changing.