How to Stop Hating Yourself

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Unworthiness and lack of self-care over time put us at war with ourselves.  I absolutely love working with people who have declared war on themselves because they are the people who make a complete 180! They are also the people who are typically willing to challenge your suggestions every step of the way.  Removing the self-hate programming from your life is not an instant procedure.

I’m committed to this process for the long haul. In the end, I hope that you fall madly and deeply in love with yourself.  And if you keep reading these blogs, keep signing up for the initiatives, and give it a try I suspect that you will find that you have learned to love yourself. Perhaps it will happen as subtly as it did for me.   Literally, one day I noticed that I no longer cringed when I saw my reflection. And as I checked in, sure enough, the self-love was happening!

The difficulty for many people is how to go from hating ourselves, beating ourselves up for every movement, and constantly critiquing every little thing we do, to suddenly (and seemingly randomly) just loving ourselves. That’s too big of a leap for many people. So let’s start small and make the journey worth every step of the way!  

My goal with this blog is to empower you to naturally and easily stop the self-hate. Because once that process is complete the power of self-love begins to slowly increase. And sooner, rather than later, you find yourself deeply in love with yourself!

Maybe you don’t full out “hate” yourself! Maybe you are just your own biggest critique.  Perhaps you are only trying to prevent yourself from being blindsided by other people’s complaints. It’s possible that this is just a learned behavior, a method of keeping yourself safe. However, it’s not effective and it’s truly not helping you!  Allow yourself to resign from the committee dedicated to beating the hell out of you.

Regardless of if you find yourself 100% on the hating yourself bandwagon, read through my suggestions and see if there’s any room at all for you to apply these tips.  If you can at all benefit from the suggestions, apply them! None of us are beyond self-improvement.

Here are my recommendations to ditch the self-hate with ease and grace:

  1. Stop Looking For and Expecting the Worst:  When you expect and look for the worst-case scenario, that’s exactly what you find.  Do you want to feel like the world’s biggest piece of poop? Probably not. When we stop looking for the worst, we begin to allow ourselves to experience and find the opposite end of that spectrum. Everything is not always going to be all rainbows and sunshine, but things can change if we allow them to.  What we look for we find, and when we start making room for positive experiences things begin to shift for us.

  2. Implement Effective Boundaries:  Sometimes we need to tell others, and ourselves NO.  By establishing effective and healthy boundaries, we begin to release the need to overcommit ourselves and subsequently beat ourselves up for not being able to follow through.  Boundaries don’t make you mean, selfish or self-centered. Boundaries are actual a movement into loving yourself and choosing yourself.

  3. Forgive Easily and Intentionally:  My favorite definition of forgiveness is giving up the hope for a different or better yesterday. I absolutely love the concept of intentional forgiveness. It implies a certain gracefulness and ease in forgiving. The next time someone cuts you off in traffic, the next time someone hurts your feelings, and the next time someone doesn’t keep their commitment to you the instant action is to forgive them. This translates nicely towards ourselves as well.  Can you imagine how that would feel to have your default be to extend grace towards yourself rather than harshness?

  4. Celebrate Failure:  I mean this one very literally! Every single thing that you fail out, I literally want you to celebrate it!  This may sound strange to many of you, but I would like you to hear me out.  When many people experience failure they perceive it as being the end. What if you changed your perception to failure only signifying you discovering a way that didn’t work for you? Which therefore allows you to get closer and closer to achieving your actual goal.

  5. Embrace Resting:  One of the most rewarding things I have ever done is to schedule a nap into my workdays! This is literally one of the best things I have done.  I’m not talking about sleeping 15 or 18 hours a day. But rather than going and going and going and continuously pushing through things resting is many times a great reward.  Resting can include eating a nutritious meal or making sure you are hydrating properly.  I would be remiss if I didn’t encourage you to get at least 8 hours of sleep.

  6. Use the Weapon of Gratitude:  When we begin using gratitude as a part of our first line of defense, everything begins to shift. One time I had decided to begin practicing intentional gratitude. I had everything set up so I could succeed at this. And the day it was supposed to start I woke up with a puking migraine. I remember thinking that puking in between my clients was not what I wanted to be grateful for. As I was driving home, I made the decision that I was going to be grateful that my body felt safe enough to communicate with me, and that I was grateful my schedule was flexible enough to allow me to go home and rest. This was a huge shifting point for me. I really encourage you to do it!

  7. Imagine it dissipating:  Check in with your body and find the place where the lack of love resides.  It’s a fairly simple process, just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask your body where the lack of self-love resides in your body. Then take a few moments every day and imagine or pretend that it’s growing smaller and smaller. Until eventually it’s no longer there at all!

I long to empower each and every human alive to fall in love with themselves. To believe in themselves so completely and so unapologetically that nothing can interfere with that love!

Jenn Bovee is a Shame Busting Coach who empowers people to step into the life of their wildest dreams. Jenn would love to invite you to join The Self Love Adventure. Sign up here: 

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