LCSW

The Shame of Saying No

The Shame of Saying No

This blog has been created and called for by countless women that I coach, counsel, and chat with each and every day. I've been acutely aware of growing and deadly trend of the Shame of saying No. The reality is that this issue is magnified every day with the advent of social media.  

Many women are programmed that the "right"...

The Pain of Fertility

The Pain of Fertility

I originally posted this on Huffington Post. I felt called to share this today, the eve of Mothers Day.

Living peacefully in the body you have

Living peacefully in the body you have

We reside in such a confusing world of complex paradigms. We talk about how self-love should be a priority. All the while sending very direct messages of body shame to anyone who...

Navigating the Holidays in an unwell body

Navigating the Holidays in an unwell body

If you have followed any of my blogs you are aware that I have been offered diagnoses for a variety of health conditions, including but not limited to...

The dark side of Entrepreneurship ~When depression sets in:

The dark side of Entrepreneurship       ~When depression sets in:

If life were a fairy tale, when you would have a dream or a goal, it would just magically come to fruition. But the reality is we are not in a fairy tale at all. I’ve been...

Finding Safety in your Physical Body

Finding Safety in your Physical Body

As a person that relates to the world with trauma brain, safety is always my number one priority. In the past, I would have even wagered to say that safety was my number one priority in every area. However...

The Process of Trust

The Process of Trust

According to Webster’s dictionary, trust is defined as a belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. Is that your definition of trust?

Cultivating Joy

Cultivating Joy

January is typically a very stressful time of year for many people. There are various explanations for the stress. The reasons for the increase of stress include...

Navigating Family Relationships

Navigating Family Relationships

Typically, in my blogs, I like to start with the dictionary definition of things. However, I suspect that everyone already knows the legal definition of a family is.

Feeding Your Soul

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  It’s the first day of 2016, and I am absolutely filled with love, confidence, joy and serenity. Is my life “perfect”? I’m sure to some outside observers it may appear that way. However, as I write this I am currently eliminating the second concussion I have had in the last three years, and I am slightly overwhelmed with scheduling issues. Here’s the difference between me last year and me this year. Last year, I would have spent time beating myself up with unhelpful thoughts such as, “Who falls in their own office and lets their 200 pound office chair give them a concussion” or “It’s just scheduling! It shouldn’t be that hard.” In the past, I was prone to be unnecessarily harsh on myself. But I made a substantial change in my life yesterday and it feels amazing!

 

I rang in most of New Years Eve by de-cluttering my house and eliminating things that I no longer need. Once that task was completed, I spent time releasing and forgiving anyone and everyone who had every upset, offended or hurt me in any way. Every…single…person! And it felt amazing! Which leads me to the most crucial question of this blog: What are you doing to feed your soul?

 

I have cleared a space of my own in my home. A space just for me! That no one else will be able to put stuff on or things in. A place that is my very own sacred place of healing, working, manifesting and appreciating. Many men have what is affectionately known as a “man cave.” I have even heard of certain mom’s having a “mom-cave,” but I am not going to get caught up in the title or the name of a space. My question to you is this: Do you have a sacred space in your home? In our current home, space is somewhat limited. Therefore my space is in the upstairs living room. I’m not at all bothered by this, because we have two living rooms. In our next home, I will have my own office there. You may be asking yourself why having a space is relevant or important. The answer is somewhat complex. On the surface it’s because it gives you ownership in the structure you reside in. On a deeper level, it attributes to you having a sacred place in which you can rejuvenate, relax and repair yourself. It allows you to have a space that encourages times to decompress, time to meditate, time to reflect and time to plan.

 

I am very invested in nurturing my soul, because it’s the most vital part of me. I would no more neglect this part of me than many people would neglect their child or pet. Therefore, I want to present you with a list of ways to feed your soul. Because you are worth it and you deserve it!

 

  1. Music: For as long as I can remember I have had a very eclectic taste in music. There was only one requirement for it: I had to be able to sing along. Sometimes, when I close my eyes and I am signing, I feel as though I am the only one left on the planet. It’s a beautiful and wonderful thing. I have said for as long as I can remember that music is the language of my soul.
  2. Nature: Have you ever just gone out in the middle of a forest, or in the middle of the woods, or even in the center of the beach and just felt as if nothing else in the world mattered? Or perhaps it feels as if nothing else exists. For me, I can achieve this simply by going outside and standing in the middle of the sunlight or the moonlight. It’s equally as freeing and soothing.
  3. Laugh…a lot: I’m not concerned with if you are watching a comedy or watching a talking squirrel on Youtube. Laughter is not only healthy and healing for your physical body, but also for you soul. Have you ever heard of laughter therapy? It’s an actual movement. Allow yourself to laugh and find the humor in things.
  4. Kindness: When is the last time that you picked some fresh flowers for yourself? When is the last time that you bought fresh flowers for yourself? Are you waiting for someone else to buy them for you? I am a huge lover of fresh flowers. Therefore, I have no issue buying them for myself.
  5. Write a love letter: Have you ever gotten a letter from someone you loved more than words could describe? Hopefully you love yourself so much that you fit into this category! Many years ago, I ran a women’s support group and it was a very powerful group. Periodically, I would have the women write letters to them self. This doesn’t have to be awkward or uncomfortable, let me give you some direction. When I’m writing love letters to myself I do it in the form of an outside observer. As if I’m an invisible part of my daily life, only I have the added benefit of seeing my thoughts, actions, beliefs and feelings.
  6. Gratitude: I literally use gratitude in my life all day, every day. I am grateful for the wonderful and happy things as well as the less than amazingly stellar things. My experience with gratitude is it halves feelings and situations that are not amazingly wonderful and it multiplies situations that are. I use gratitude on every experience I encounter throughout the day.
  7. Imagination: I am very color oriented (I’m not fond of pale colors) and as such I play with what I see and what I feel. If my soul is feeling “off” or “a little down” I just pick a couple of colors and imagine my entire being filled to the brim with it and then overflowing. My favorite colors to do this with are pink and green because they are loving and healing colors.
  8. Meditation: Meditation, in it’s strictest definition is the ability to clear your mind of all thought. I do this regularly. I have found that just like forgiveness and releasing things, clearing my mind of all thoughts allows more room for positive and uplifting thoughts to occur. Let’s look at our minds like a garbage bin just for a moment. How many times is your bin over flowing? If we don’t ever empty it, where does all of it go? In my experience, our minds are not much different.

 

If you have other ways that you nurture and feed your soul, I’m so excited for you. If you have never entertained this concept, practice with some of these and shoot me an email. I would love to hear what changed for you as a result of doing some of this!

 

JennBoveeLCSW is a Spiritual Life Coach and Hypnotherapist. She offers in person and distance sessions to people all across the world. Learn more about Jenn here:www.JennBoveeLCSW.com

Evicting my Abuser

Evicting my Abuser

Allow me to empower you to evict the biggest abuser in your life.

Hitting the Reset:

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I’ve been policing my thoughts for long enough now that it’s really natural for me to have mostly positive thoughts. However, there are a known series of events that put a difficult spin on my reality. Those things include: being physically ill, finding it difficult to shake the stress, and having connection concerns with my husband. Being an empath, some of these things are multiplied. When I use the term “reset” I mean an activity or action that will allow me to hit that centered and focused place that I prefer to be. I have been working with kids for the last 20 plus years, and as such I have been guiding them through navigating this process as well.   When you have a three year old who is just overwhelmingly grumpy, as a parent, how do you respond to this? For many parents they would encourage this child to take a nap. That nap serves as a reset point, because when the child wakes up their attitude and behavior have returned to normal.

I think every human alive would be best served by discovering his or her reset point. Can you think of how many lesser altercations the world would have? How many less hurt feelings would exit? The possibilities are endless. Below are my suggestions to find your reset point:

  1. Saltwater baths: This is something that I do on a very regular basis. I am absolutely rejuvenated by hot baths and putting salt in it only increases the positive experiences I have. There’s a certain line of belief that says by doing these types of baths you will remove any negativity that has glommed onto you.
  2. Social Media Detox: The Internet and social media today constantly barrage many people. Some people are only not connected to social media when they are sleeping. Allow yourself a time to disconnect to the Internet world and re-connect to the world around you. Give yourself that gift.
  3. Exercise: Many people are resistant to this one because they are already emotionally exhausted. How would this be different if you were getting two needs met at once? Why not vacuum your house a few times, slowly? Or wipe the walls down moving from room to room, in a natural fashion? Make exercise a part of your environment and it becomes more natural.
  4. Engage that younger part of you: One of my all time favorite activities is to color in a coloring book. It’s a great reset point. I don’t have to think any conscious thoughts during it, other than “Stay in the lines”. I can’t think of a more freeing and resetting activity for me personally. Recently there’s been a huge boom of “adult coloring books”. I suspect this just solidifies my viewpoint.
  5. Meditation: I was talking with a client who has a strong history of meditation. When I asked her how often she had been meditation recently she said not much because she didn’t have time. I walked her though a process of meditation that provided her with substantial relieve in 57 seconds! Can you really tell me you don’t have 57 seconds to spare?
  6. Mindfulness: At its core, mindfulness is about staying focused on the present moment, while removing any judgment. The mere concept gives me goose bumps because of how empowering it is. I encourage my clients to start by focusing on how their breath feelings coming in and out of their body, and then move up from there.
  7. Positive smells: I’m sure we all have that one smell that makes us smile. In my office I use a diffuser and put tangerine oil in it. It makes me smile and I instantly feel at peace. At home I use a lavender smell because it helps to increase sleepiness.
  8. Visualization: Whether you call it imagination or visualization the end results are the same. Imagine yourself being happy, content, full of love, and accomplishing your goals. Doesn’t that feel amazing? If you want to get more creative, imagine loving light entering your body. The possibilities are endless.

Whatever technique or mechanism you decide to use, please engage in resetting on a regular basis. Not only is it healthy for you, it’s good for your relationships.

Jenn Bovee, LCSW, is a spiritual psychotherapist and life coach. Jenn offers in person session as well as distance sessions. Learn more about her here: www.JennBoveeLCSW.com

9 Ways to Be Beyond a Survivor

9 Ways to Be Beyond a Survivor

I want to challenge everyone who has ever endured anything to let go of the label survivor. My challenge is to rise above survivor and move into being a thriver.

6 Lessons From Pixar’s Inside Out

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I don’t usually blog about movies, but this is not ordinary movie. Whether you come from an Internal Family Systems approach or a Parts Perspective or are just a living breathing human being; this movie is worth the investment. I was excited to see this movie since the first preview was released. This is one of those movies I will own. While Inside Out is advertised as a children’s movie, it is so much more than that. I watched this movie with my husband and my 18-year-old bonus daughter. My entire family is used to me crying through just about any movie, but my bonus daughter was crying as well. I was surprised to say the least. This movie has a phenomenal message. Allow me to share with you the main things I got out of this movie.

  1. Emotions are complex creatures: In this movie there were a few different emotions. They included joy, anger, fear, disgust, and sadness. At times through out the movie it would appear as if there was a hierarchy of which feeling was in charge. And in the exact next moment it would become clear that there was no such hierarchy, it was almost an every feeling for itself kind of world.
  2. Emotions and feelings don’t always co-exist very well: At one point during the movie, joy becomes frustrated with sadness. Joy basically tells sadness to get lost and the fall out is detrimental. Is that not similar to how it happens for most people? I’m a firm believer that every feeling and emotion has a job and a responsibility. I also struggle with the concept of certain feelings being positive while others are negative. In my mind every feeling is what it is, the problem lies in our response to the feelings.
  3. Everyone has emotions: I really loved how the feeling parts were not just limited to the daughter, but the mom and the dad had them as well.   I have encountered countless people who attempt to explain that they don’t have feelings or emotions. In my experience, nothing could be farther from the truth. I suspect this movie was accurate in their depiction of the feelings, in that everyone has them, but frequently people are not aware of them. I have become somewhat of an observer of people. In that process I have noticed that people who claim to not have feelings, are just not as in touch with them as others are.
  4. All feelings are necessary: If we all lived in the world according to me, I would never ever experience anger. It’s not my go to feeling or emotion. It doesn’t leave the safe and satisfying feeling in my soul. But I have come to believe that each and every feeling is necessary and valid. Let me just play this out for you. If you never experienced any sadness do you think the joy you feel would be as strong or as powerful? If you never experienced fear do you think the love you feel would be as strong?
  5. Everyone has core memories: This was an important revelation for me. Through out the movie, something happens to the core memories. Prior to this, I had not given much thought to the core memory concept. I suspect that all people have positive core memories and some less than positive core memories. It is those very memories that shape and mold who we are as a person. For me, the memory of walking up and down the road looking for my favorite pet rock stays with me.
  6. People still don’t understand the subconscious mind: As someone who specializes in the subconscious mind this saddened me. In the movie the subconscious mind was described as a dark and scary place. This saddened me (while I understand that it’s most people’s perceptions) because I absolutely love the subconscious mind. I also suspect that once you understand how your subconscious mind works and how to change it’s programming; your perception and relationship to it changes as well.

 

Jenn Bovee, LCSW is a spiritual life coach and psychotherapist. Learn more about her here: www.JennBoveeLCSW.com