Trust

The Shame of Saying No

The Shame of Saying No

This blog has been created and called for by countless women that I coach, counsel, and chat with each and every day. I've been acutely aware of growing and deadly trend of the Shame of saying No. The reality is that this issue is magnified every day with the advent of social media.  

Many women are programmed that the "right"...

The Pain of Fertility

The Pain of Fertility

I originally posted this on Huffington Post. I felt called to share this today, the eve of Mothers Day.

Living peacefully in the body you have

Living peacefully in the body you have

We reside in such a confusing world of complex paradigms. We talk about how self-love should be a priority. All the while sending very direct messages of body shame to anyone who...

The dark side of Entrepreneurship ~When depression sets in:

The dark side of Entrepreneurship       ~When depression sets in:

If life were a fairy tale, when you would have a dream or a goal, it would just magically come to fruition. But the reality is we are not in a fairy tale at all. I’ve been...

9 Keys to Protecting Yourself as an Empath

9 Keys to Protecting  Yourself as an Empath

Living life as an empath can be stressful and anxiety producing. Learn how to protect yourself without shutting off your abilities.

6 Steps to Stop the Comparison Trap.

6 Steps to Stop the Comparison Trap.

Comparing ourselves is a very normal thing to do, but it doesn't come without certain dangers. Learn how to overcome the comparison trap by reading this blog.

9 Steps to Healing Yourself

9 Steps to Healing Yourself

Some people believe that by being human, we are all a little broken. Check out 9 ways to heal that brokenness.

Debunking Hypnosis:

Debunking Hypnosis:

If you want to learn the truth about what hypnosis is and what it's about, then read this article.

Disarming Arrogance

Disarming Arrogance

Many times interacting with someone who is arrogant can be highly frustrating. Allow me to arm you with the tools to offset it.

The Magic of Sleep

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I have never been a good sleeper. Even as a child, after my sister fell asleep I would take my pillow and blanket and lay on the hallway floor and watch television. On my best nights I would lay there for two and a half hours before I fell asleep. On my worst nights it was substantially worse. As I grew older my poor sleep continued to grow more and more out of control. At one point, in my adult life, my sleep was so poor that if you pieced together all the ten-minute sections of sleep I got, it would equate to just about three hours. To say this impacted every area of my life is the greatest understatement of all time. Are you aware of how your body and mind are impacted by sleep loss? Many people are aware that sleep loss causes depression and even accident proneness, but what about the other areas impacted by sleep loss? Here’s a short run down of the impact of sleep loss: Weakened immune response, weight gain, impaired brain function, cognitive dysfunction, high blood pressure, heart disease, destroys sex drive, and is responsible for accidental deaths. The impact of sleeplessness is wide ranging, but I wanted to give you a taste for it.

For those of you who have struggled with getting deep, healing, rejuvenating sleep I would recommend the following immediately: do not use the bed for anything other than sleep and sex. Any other activities done in bed create confusion in your subconscious mind. Remember that 96-98% of habits and behaviors are stored in your subconscious mind. As such if the habit is that when you lay down you are doing anything other than sleep it creates confusion for your subconscious mind. At the end of the day sleep is a habit. My goal is to empower you to change your habit so that you can live the life you have always wanted to.

Here are my sleep suggestions:

  1. Disconnect: Inside of the television there is a blue tube that is designed to stimulate your brain. The IPAD is capable of depleting all of the melatonin in your brain. I recommend disconnecting all electronics at least a half hour to 45 minutes prior to bed time. Read a book, take a bath, clean the kitchen sink; whatever else we do we must stop stimulating our brains.
  2. Routine: All sleep experts agree on the validity of a sleep routine. My personal sleep routine is before bed I take my vitamins and supplements, drink a bottle of water, and brush my teeth. My experience is that once you being using a sleep routine the amount of time it takes for you to fall asleep will diminish.
  3. Self-hypnosis: Once I learned how to use self-hypnosis my sleep substantially improved! If you are not using self-hypnosis I would strongly encourage you to begin. It’s hugely healing and it’s been a game changer for me. While engaging in self hypnosis I typically affirm that I am able to quickly and easily get to a deep level of sleep.
  4. Gratitude Game: Occasionally I will struggle with achieving sleep quickly. On those occasions when I am struggling with sleep, I play the gratitude game. The way I play it is I think of something to be grateful for that begins with the letters of the alphabet. If by some chance I am still awake by the time I reach the letter Z, then I just do it backwards coming up with different things to be grateful for.
  5. Deep Breathing: This is such a valid and helpful component; I just couldn’t leave it out. Engaging in deep breathing relaxes the brain and body. Just for a moment do 5 deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. I would encourage you to do this several times a day.
  6. Letting go:  Many people have developed the habit of reviewing their day once they are in bed.  Find a way to release the stress, anxiety, and worry before you ever climb into bed.  Methods of letting go of these issues include: journaling, exercising, bathing, walking. Find a way that works for you.

Jenn Bovee, LCSW is a spiritual life coach and psychotherapist. Jenn offers in person therapy as well as distance life coaching. If you would like to learn more about Jenn or her services please check her out here:  www.JennBoveeLCSW.com

Overcoming Rules of Dysfunctional Families.

Overcoming Rules of Dysfunctional Families.

Learn about the rules of dysfunctional families as well as how to overcome them.

7 Best Ways to Decrease Anxiety

7 Best Ways to Decrease Anxiety

If you have ever struggled with anxiety you will want to read this article.

The Secret of Affirmations:

The Secret of Affirmations:

Have you ever attempted to use affirmations and found it futile? Allow me to walk you through the process of empowering your affirmations.

Lessons from a Computer Virus:

Lessons from a Computer Virus:

Life is always what we perceive it to be. Learn how I transformed a horrible computer virus and changed my perception

Compassion Fatigue in Empaths

Compassion Fatigue in Empaths

The standard definition of compassion fatigue no longer works for all of us. Learn about the impact of compassion fatigue on empaths.

Negative thoughts

Negative thoughts

This article will arm you with the tools to change and correct your thinking.

Loving Someone with a Chronic Illness

Loving Someone with a Chronic Illness

This article is designed to help people who know, love, or are friends with someone that has a chronic health issue.

How to Trust Again

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Trust is defined by Webster’s dictionary as: a belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. I’m sure every human being has, at one time or another, had their trust hurt if not broken. In my life, I had this habit of always picking the exact wrong guy for me. I’m sure they were nice people, but I deserved someone who could stay faithful to the relationship. I didn’t really believe that I had trust issues until I met my husband. In my head, intellectually, I knew and understood that he was faithful to me and would never break my trust. However, there was that occasional small voice in my head that would say, “You are not ______ enough. She’s cuter… They are probably getting together.” It was this same voice that convinced me that I needed to check his email, Facebook messenger, texts, etc. This habit was always magnified when my worthiness issues would be stimulated. I’m well aware that this is not a respectful and trusting way to behave. However, there was a point in time when that’s exactly how my life was. I didn’t even realize that the men I was with in the past were serially cheating.  But the stimuli did not meet the current situation. I didn’t want to not trust my husband. I love him more than life, and I know he would do anything to protect me (which includes not hurting me).   I took a few simple actions (not easy, but relatively simple) that revolutionized my trust in him.

If you are struggling with trusting a spouse, a partner, a friend, a person who you are just getting to know please apply these steps. I want you to know you deserve more! You deserve to fully and completely trust the other person as well as yourself! Here are the steps I took to increase the amount of trust I have in my life:

  1. I made a decision: On some level I’m sure that sounds trite. However, it’s really that simple. On a daily, hourly, minute by minute, basis I made the decision “I trust my husband. I am trustworthy.” Sometimes I wrote that statement hundreds of time a day, other days it was simply something I uttered out loud to the Universe.
  2. Acted as if: No matter what philosophical convictions you ascribe to this mentality has a great deal of validity. Many days, once I made the decision it was easy to act as if I trusted him. However, if he got a text and he smiled while reading it, I did something different. In that moment, I made the decision to act as if I completely trusted him. It was so freeing.
  3. Reality Checking: Looking back, I cannot imagine how much differently my life would have been if I had said, “It seemed to take you 9 minutes to walk from the driveway to the house. Am I valid in feeling insecure about that?” So when A + B = he’s cheating on me, I voice those things today because he deserves to know where my head’s at. Additionally, I don’t deserve to hold on to those toxic feelings/emotions today.
  4. Getting out of my own head: In the beginning of our relationship some of the old baggage was so overwhelming that I was drowning in my own fears, doubts, worries, and concerns. When those moments began to hit I would: clean something, write a list of positive things about him, make a list of all the great times we did together, make something for him or someone else.
  5. Do something kind for someone else: This is one of my favorite things to do to this day! Sometimes it’s extravagant things like sending someone flowers without signing the card. Other times it’s more practical things such as: paying for the car behind me at Starbucks, sending someone a card telling them how great they are without signing it, letting someone else have the perfect parking spot. Whatever you do, make sure you do it with a smile.
  6. Communicate, communicate, communicate: Seriously, this is the biggest thing for me. I am a very transparent person. I don’t do secrets, lies, and manipulation well. My husband and close friends know the details of my past. We can be walking down the mall and I can in a half second moment tell my husband I’m feeling insecure or paranoid, and it’s okay.
  7. Be kind to yourself: Do something nice for yourself daily. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, but taking action in a loving manner towards yourself helps to heal your issues. For me these things range from getting myself a good book, buying myself some inexpensive flowers, or taking a really long bath.
  8. Journal: This is one of the things that changed my attention and focus immediately. Everyday I would focus on three great qualities my husband has. Even the most difficult relationship can come up with three positives about the other person. On particularly difficult days I would also make a short list of ways that he was trustworthy. It changed everything!
  9. Forgive: The definition of forgiveness that I use is giving up the hope of a different or better yesterday. It takes the people, places, and emotions out of the dynamic. Which means that it lets all of us off the hook. Once I forgave myself, and everyone else involved, it made it so much easier to love.

I don’t believe that trust can happen in a vacuum. However, I do believe that there are layers of trust. Every single day that I work on healing myself and my experiences I trust the people in my life a little deeper.

Jenn Bovee is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who provides spiritual counseling and life coaching. Learn more about her here:  www.JennBoveeLCSW.com